I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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