We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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