I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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