May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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