Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
