I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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