if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
