I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
