That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
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walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
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If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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