We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize