I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
