i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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