Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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