I met the friendliest cop last night
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we made out on top of his cat.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
