Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
