dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
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Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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