i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize