Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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