that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
