So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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