apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
