I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
