time to smoke my breakfast
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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