Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
