idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
