It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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