i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
