I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize