do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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