considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
