I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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