somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
