I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
