I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
