small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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