i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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