It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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