bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
