Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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