I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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