We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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