so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
