Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
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