You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
