i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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