I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
