Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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