pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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