Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
