He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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