Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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