you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
