the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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