Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize