I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
