You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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