This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
