Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
