Whod you bang
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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