I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
