and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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