So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
