I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
