Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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