Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
