i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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