i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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