my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
