Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Randomize
