I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
