tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
