Christians are straight up FREAKS
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
this beer tastes like vomit already
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
