Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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