I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
