So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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