Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
