end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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