I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Randomize
