In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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