I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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