if you like me you must not know who I am
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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