they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
