Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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