I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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