I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
