I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize