i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize