Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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