M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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